Why is it not worth comparing yourself to others?
First of all, because it makes absolutely no sense. Imagine we’re all competing at one big Olympics – the Grief Olympics 😉. Only here the rules are totally different than in sport:
- Grief doesn’t play fair. It can hit you hard at the least expected moment, in the break between rounds. For example: you just want to use the bathroom, you look in the mirror… and suddenly you’re in tears.
- Nobody is racing against the clock, but fans think the players only have six months, a year at most.
- Apparently there is a finish line somewhere, but not sure if anyone has seen it.
- Instead of one track with lanes, everyone has their own private lane heading in a different direction. To make things worse, some are longer, some are shorter.
- You train to run hurdles, but when you arrive at the venue, they put you in a swimming costume and you compete in synchronised swimming, even though your „personal best” is 2 pools of frog.
- You do start in the hurdles, just as planned – but the friend you’re supposedly “competing” with is playing table tennis. There’s simply no way to compare your results.
That’s why entering the Grief Olympics doesn’t make sense. Or maybe it does – but only if you stop staring at the finish line and start looking at the path. Your path, the one you have to walk to somehow find yourself in life after losing someone you love. It’s worth noticing others on their own tracks. Remembering that they’re also struggling. Cheering each other on. Reaching out a hand when, for a moment, our lanes run side by side.
Why do we do this at all?
We like to compare ourselves to others because there is always someone who has it “better” or “worse” than we do. By comparing, we try to soothe our mind: “I’m not alone in this.” The trouble starts when we feel we have to decide who gets the podium – because everyone secretly wants first place. That’s human. For each person, their loss is the biggest and the hardest. You can’t borrow someone else’s bond or relationship. You can’t love a person with someone else’s love.
It helps to realise that, at the finish line, everyone gets to stand on the podium and receive the one prize that is truly worth all this effort: themselves.
If you’d like to talk about grief in a safe, kind atmosphere, you’re welcome to join the meetings of Grief House Warsaw (Grief House Warsaw) – a community-based space for grief support. You can find current dates in our calendar.
